Smitten Kitten

2011-01-21T01:30:00.002+08:00

It's been ages. That was an understatement. I guess it just goes to show how much of a commitmentphobic i am, i can't even stay loyal to a non living-thing!

Loads of schoolwork to be done but here i am, 1:33AM on a Thursday night bawling my eyes out...just because.

You know how sometimes this shitty feeling comes and overwhelms you and you actually don't know why you feel shitty but you just do and it sucks? Tonight is one of those nights.

Doesn't help that lately i've been thinking a whole lot about everything and nothing at once. Yes, it's 2011 and i still do not make sense. Never gonna change.

I don't know how to put it...other than 'i miss my dad'.

Thing is, he hasn't been a dad of late. I would say ever since forever but that's not true, i know my papa can be a dad, he used to be a dad.

Omg you know what? Fuck this shit.

...crying is therapeutic right?!!!

Hahahahahahaha i created a pool of tears on the table, it's pretty amusing.

Note to self: Never listen to Frankie J- Daddy's Little Girl or Good Charlotte- Emotionless in public unless i feel like having a dramatic public breakdown

(#fact: people blog more when they are upset)

2010-10-06T04:43:00.001+08:00

oh and ps. i cant wait for harry potter

2010-10-06T04:36:00.000+08:00

why do we grow up again? sigh holidays holidays, can't believe i'm already done with my third semester. just three more and i get my diploma...but what does that mean? see life as a kid is much less maddening. but holidays holidays, that means i get to waste life away yay. why not, right? while i still can?

i must live and not just exist. existence. why are you here? what is your role in this world? why do you exist? ha existence.

oh i...am on a diet!

i guess we'll see how that goes hmm?

2010-07-15T11:16:00.000+08:00

Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.

Here's to the woman with a heart of a mother and a soul of a fighter. Nenek, I wish you were here. I wish i was there. I wish things were different. I wish I had the time and chance to tell you how much I love you. I wish I could listen to you tell me my top's too short or too tight, that I shouldn't have colours in my hair cos my hair is perfect naturally, that I should study hard in school and not let anyone bring me down, especially not issues of the heart, and that I should always remember whom we owe it all to- Allah. I wish wishes come true, nenek. Never thought not having you here would hurt so much:(

INSERT BIG SAD SIGH HERE

It must be beautiful over there. I don't know where there is, but i believe it is somewhere, and i hope it's beautiful. My nenek deserves nothing less ♥

I feel the need to tell everybody in the entire universe how blessed I am to have a family like mine. My cousins define amazing. No hold up...they bring amazing to a whole new level! My heart goes out to y'all.

Lets spread love like violenceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

2010-07-07T01:04:00.008+08:00

is it just me or does the desire to want someone heightens only when he or she diverts attention away from you?

well besides the fact that i sound like a complete attention-starved whore right now, it is true now isnt it! like when the person's all over you, you didnt really think much about it. but now there's a new toy in the playroom, you suddenly feel like you have something to prove, like you have to regain the attention you once had just to console yourself. or something.

hahaha feelings are fun! they are twisted, warped, and confusing... but fun.

i'd say 'fuck schoolwork tonight' if only they didnt come with deadlines:( if vacations had a smell, they would smell like pancakes. with heaps of maple syrup. just because!

oh tonight's the lonely island night! WHO SAID WE'RE WACK? YOU TAKE IT BACKKK!

fuck land, im on a boat motherfucker fuck trees, i climb buoys motherfucker im on the deck with my boys motherfucker this boat engine make noise motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2010-07-05T00:49:00.000+08:00

Things always end up in an ugly mess. Beautiful things break your heart. Either that, or our own hands break beautiful things.

And it's just gonna sound awfully ironic, but there IS beauty in a breakdown.

2010-06-27T20:30:00.002+08:00

last minute work? fuck yeahhhh!

don't judge me

2010-06-27T09:29:00.000+08:00

omg i just found out that it is psychologically proven (wait could something be psychologically proven???!!!)

...well it has just been proven that when a person cries and if the first tear rolls down from the right eye, it is happiness and if it's from the left eye, it is pain.

so if my left eyebag is bigger than my right one, does it also mean im in alot of pain? or am i just plain cacat hahahaahahahah fml

2010-06-27T08:18:00.000+08:00

so guess who spoilt her power adapter?

and guess who had to part with $128 from her next allowance to get a brand new one?

urghhhh money money money:( but oh god its almost july and august comes after july and we all know august is very very special because guess who will finally be able to fucking take driving lessons?! i'm beginning to think i'm the last slut on earth to be able to do so, seriously!

senseless (not to mention pointless and needless and just plain futile) guessing games are pretty fun...so lets play some more

guess whose neighbours came back from Thailand with a whole carton of Redbull? well except that in Thailand they call the shit Krating Daeng hahhahahaahahahahah

ah and guess who has a mysterious bruise on her left hand?! no dont think dirty i use my other hand to do dirty things ^^ HAR HAR JOKE.

*sings* 1,2,3,4 i declare a thumb war 5,6,7,8 i use this hand to masturbate~

no extra points given for guessing who has way too much excess fat and should consider death, who has shitty hair and should consider shaving her head bald or...death, who needs to sleep well and get rid of eyebags, who needs to stop crying to sleep and get rid of eyebags, who has the awesomest pyjama pants in the universe, who should start worrying about her schoolwork, who should stop procrastinating, and who should just shut the fuck up already.

in the last couple of days alone i have watched two movies. prince of persia with syad, and then toy story 3 with my siblings and step siblings the following day. prince of persia saw us taking a chance and sitting in seats not assigned to us cos ours were shitty and we wanted a good view of our gemma arterton but we got busted in the end hahahahahahahaahhahaha! but that was nothing compared to the story behind toy story 3 hahahaha nothing i tell you, nooooottthhhhiiiinnnngggggg *in an indian accent because its just funny okay, dont question*

so we were in malaysia right, and like on the way home my mom suggested watching a movie. she handed over some cash and RESPONSIBILITY over to me and i just had to caps the word cos it makes me sound...adult muahahahaha. so okay the movie was at 10.30PM and by the time we got done it was

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA sorry i got distracted. how could i not be when my brother came in singing "sini sini budak kurang ajar" while Rihanna's rude boy is playing on MTV? hahahahahahaha :')

oh yes back to the story. by the time we got done with the movie it was like 12ish right, and we suddenly remembered fuuuuck we live in singapore how we gna get back right? so we kept screaming WE ARE FUCCCKKKEEED haha and went to get our passports chopped. we went down, and the bus interchange thing or whatever you call it, was empty. so you wouldnt believe how jumpy and crazy excited we were when we saw an sbs bus roll in! buuuut it passed us, the cb kia heartless bus driver simply signalling 'no more service' to us, sooooo more WE ARE FUCCCKKKEEEDs!

...im sorry hahaha its not fault my brother keeps coming in doing random spastic things! like he just came in and danced a fucked up dance hahahahahaahhaha

well the police officer we approached for help told us we could either wait for the first bus at 5AM, or go back up, chop our passports and get a cab. so of course we went for the latter. buuuuuut the cabbie didnt want to bring us back to singapore and the one that did would cost us sgd10 each and hmm lets see we had approximately rm80? WE ARE FUCCCKKKEEED hahahahaha. i am now certain i got my heavy-sleeper trait from my momma cos she didnt pick up her phone! :(

IMAGINE being in malaysia at that time! okay fine we were just hanging around the CIQ Complex but still!!!! haha nah it was pretty much really safe cos it was super bright, several shops were opened 24 hours thank god, and there were lots of police people. corrupt or not, they ARE the police so they still made us feel kinda safe. oh we kept being shoo-ed away from places we werent supposed to be sitting around and the only place that was okay to be at comes with a fucking crazy bitch who talks to herself and actually looks like a witch...in disguise. scary ballz:( so we kinda made friends with a police officer who told us there was a coffee shop downstairs where we could watch the world cup so we went down to this nice and bright coffee shop where there were even more police people and immigration people and just people in uniform. AND there was the world cup omg god bless! we watched the denmark and japan game which was pretty awesome cos japan scored both goals from a free kick knnccb damn nice. and then we left halfway into the second half cos we were being rescued by my ma who i think due to motherly instincts, finally woke up hahaha.

crazy, just crazy.

my life's like a movie too, with so much shit happening. sometimes i feel like i receive 82529626982 times the amount of bullshit any other bitch would get and i dont know why. so i tell myself god only tests those who are worthy of testing. haha i AM self absorbed like that. no but srsly, shit i would never even imagine would happen, is happening. like why the fuck right?!!! so so unfair i swear.

oh well. hey look, it's raining. awwww i think the rain is a blessing, i dont know why people hate rain!

omg it's sunday morning! i can sing Sunday morning rain is fallingggg~ and it would totally be totally true! hahahahaah life's little delights:)

toodledoo mutherfuckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2010-06-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

wah knnccb i damn angsty now, too angsty for my own good.

okay look, i am muslim. by fucking default. whoops, i just swore didn't i? well guess what? imma go swear somemore!!

fuck fuck kanina pukimak penis penis cock pepek poonani sex

haha okay i cant swear under pressure- im sure my vulgarity vocab pool is much deeper than that.

my point is, religion cannot be forced! okay fine, teach me, fair enough. but dont force it on me...it's like rape! you don't force a dick down a throat right? SAME THING!!

horrible analogy but so fucking apt, im proud of myself ^^

siiiigh, she sure knows how to redeem herself. macdonalds on the table? hehe love you again mama♥

2010-06-18T18:33:00.001+08:00

had a ball of a time going through a folder full of pictures from photobooth and using my front and back arrows to quickly switch back and forth between consistent photos. i then decided to make them into actual animations so i could laugh somemore hahaha this one's for you, yani, because i always ask you 'what if i were cacat'

dammit i look pretty normal here la not funny

omg omg omg this one HAHAHAAH i look like a fucking hippo!!!!

my fuckface feat. you looking like you're having my wrist for dinner. your mouth damn cacat here i swear hahaha

imagine my mouth being like that 24/7 HAHAHA kissable much?!! mmmmmwaaaaahhhhhhh!

eh look, i actually look like you! (babi) HAHAHA BURN

HAHAHAHAAHAH TWO WORDS! CA and CAT!!!!

muka jingjong hahahaha why am i so cacat :(

needless to say, i am just sexy beyond imagination

MUAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA oh good god, i am so cacat i amuse myself with my own cacatness.

omg there's a CAT in cacat. WHY?!!!

2010-06-15T21:08:00.003+08:00

ever took a dump and then leave the toilet feeling AT LEAST 5 kilograms lighter?

hahaha oh if only! wishful thinkinggggg~

2010-06-06T20:04:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAAH fucking cute! can't wait for my term break next week, though i have an assignment to hand in on the first week of hols and another one to be completed by the first week back at school.

whoa wait. why am i looking forward to THAT? *groans*

my blog posts are so fucking depressing haha i wouldn't like me if i were me:( nah maybe i would. just a little. depends how i treat me. EH WHATS WRONG WITH ME OMG FUCKING DELUSIONAL ALREADY.

You may not know it yet, maybe you’ll never even think about it, but I’m special. You’re going to meet a lot of girls throughout your life, and a lot of them will be special to you. But I’m telling you right now, you’ll never find another me.

okay gonna go procrastinate somemore. if i switch to HBO now, i would be watching the dark knight for only the 587230678923th time. sounds good.

OH there's gp tonight! my boyfriend just called to remind me.

who is this 'boyfriend' i speak of, you ask? who else if it isn't pedrosa right *blush*

HAHAAHAHAHAHAH FUCK ME OKAY BYE

2010-06-04T12:47:00.004+08:00

"Holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, that doesn’t make you strong. If anything - it makes you weaker. Because you’re doing it out of fear. You have to take chances. You have to know when to let go and know when to hold on with everything you’ve got, and that’s what makes us who we are. Taking risks - that’s living, being too scared even to try; that’s just a waste. We all make alot of mistakes, but we shouldn’t regret things. Because at least we didn’t spend a life standing outside, wondering what living would be like."

:( STFU!!!!!!!!!

fuck im waiting for my sister at bishan library now and i am in need of power for my mac! i half-wish i had stayed in school, there are powerpoints everywhere! i also need approximately 374 cows because i am THAT hungry. tell you what i dont need: the mosquito bite on my right butt cheek. how to scratch in public when it's itching??!!!

this weekend, well like any other weekend for the past couple of months, will be shit. they should srsly pass a law whereby it's illegal to do schoolwork on weekends- inclusive of fridays >:(

TELL ME AGAIN WHY I CHOPPED OFF MY FUCKING HAIR?! i get all jealous when i see long hair now. fuck, my dad's hair is longer than mine. if looks could kill, all them sluts with hair would be dead by now. OKAY LA NOT THAT BAD LA, but im just sayinnn.

i just might be hallucinating already. the librarian kinda looks like a cheeseburger......

...but a schoolboy comes in smelling like he lives in a fucking landfill and hasnt showered for at least 2 years so my cheeseburger dreaminnnnn has come to an end.

i now want prata

2010-06-02T10:52:00.002+08:00

Ahmad Tirmidzi Putera Junadi

Mardhiany Puteri Junadi

Muhammad Ridhwan Putera Junadi

:')

(EDIT)
holy shit how could i forget my three other siblings?!

Melly

Noddy

Brum

thank you god for blessing me with these beings..albeit your prototypes are a teeny weeny bit flawed cos they can get annoying at times, but dont go making better versions of them cos i love them annoying buggers the way they are ♥

2010-05-31T00:42:00.001+08:00

Nothing pains me more than witnessing my pa get along mighty fine with his stepchildren. Fuck me i'm selfish, but do you blame me? He tries so hard to please them, to take on the role of 'dad' to them, to piece everything together to attain a seemingly perfect family. But he absolutely hates the man who does the same thing. To us. And it is unfair beyond comprehension how he puts us on the guilt trip every single fucking time. And for what? For trying to move on with our lives. For pretending everything is okay. Tell me, am i supposed to feel guilty for loving my ma? For putting up with her every decision? For trying to get along with my stepdad for her sake? You know what? Fuck this shit. When i think about things like my graduation or my wedding (should i ever decide to make that grave mistake), i feel sad cos i know i wouldn't be able to please both parties. And it sucks. Cos i'm not supposed to feel that way. But does it matter? Nope, of course not. The world revolves around you two, doesn't it? I love you, ma and pa, but sometimes it gets out of hand and just way too much for us to take.

And you ask me why i don't want to get married. Like do you seriously have to wonder? I swear a life with a couple of million furry animals sounds so much fucking better than putting up with just one beast- a man. Ha, ha, ha.

Well depressing talk aside, i'm trying to renew my library books online but i don't know what my PIN is, and neither does anyone, so yay! Wait...how is that un-depressing? Oh good god i am such a depressing thing it's insane.

But that's not entirely true cos i still possess the ability to smile and actually feel happy! Hallelujah! Take money for example. It makes everyone happy:) Oh and a Ducati or an Audi R8...fuck yeah that might just do the trick. Hahaha alright material goods!

Funny how i'm so fucking tired and have so much things to fucking strike off my list but i'm not doing anything to put an end to the big pile of misery that is on my plate.

If my current sorry state i call life was documented in a movie, i would pity me.

FUCK SORROW AND FUCK PAIN, IM NUMB TO ALL THAT SHIT COS I AM A RUSTY ROBOT THAT GOT STUCK IN THE RAIN!

Uh...yeah i just wanted it to rhyme. I'm out!

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

2010-05-25T01:34:00.000+08:00

if ever you feel like utter bullshit and you've thought of banging your head against the wall repeatedly or holding your breath till you pass out or hoping while you cross the road some reckless driver would temporarily relieve you of the duties you have in life but you rule out all of those options only because they sound fucking pathetic and it wouldn't do justice to the shit you're putting up with, cry.

and take comfort in the thought that at exactly where you are, it is so mafaking fucked up that there are no further downs, so the only other way is up!

how 'bout it ey, positivity guru much?

_|_

oh if crying's too gay for you, grab an apple, sit down in the lonely dark hall, and stare into empty space.

*shrugs* works for me.

my period better be fucking coming already. if all else fails, blame your vagina.

2010-05-18T16:37:00.000+08:00

It should make a difference when someone loves you...shouldn't it? But of course, i'm starting to think that maybe some people just don't fall in love. Even if they (secretly) want to.

Currently completely immersed in schoolwork. Oh joy! _|_ Is it even legal for someone so young to feel so stretched and worn out? Urgh, anytime now and we will all develop a serious allergy to anything school-related. No srsly.

My future better be worth all this crap, god dammit:( Speaking of which, in just 93 days, i would be of age to.. learn how to drive, among other things. 93 days! That's not so baaaaad *tries to sound convincing*

Kay gna nap now and wake up to my favourite thing in the entire universe- schoolwork. hurray?

we were meant to live for so much moooooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2010-05-06T16:25:00.002+08:00

"Don’t settle for anything less than someone who loves you. Don’t love when you’re lonely, love when you’re ready. Don’t think that it happens all the time, either. Love isn’t the small scene of romance you’re exposed to as a teenager. It’s far different, far more real. Real love is hard to come by, but it comes. Maybe not for a while, but it shows up at some point. All of us are loved, but sometimes that person you want isn’t in your life yet. Don’t worry. They will be. Just stop waiting for it."

in the meanwhile... *sings* i’m perfectly lonely cause i don't belong to anyone and no one belongs to me. nothing to do, nowhere to be, no one to be, a simple little kind of free~

2010-05-06T00:51:00.000+08:00

tralalalala~

shitloads of things to do, only thismuch motivation.

god bless me!

2010-05-03T22:41:00.001+08:00

first one to fall in love loses

i win?

2010-04-18T19:56:00.000+08:00

"I'll screw up. I'll push you away if we're getting too close. I won't trust you until you've proven yourself. I get hurt easily and take a lot of things personally. But I'll love you with everything I have, and if that isn't enough, then I'm not enough."

2010-04-17T02:14:00.000+08:00

This silence does not speak “I don’t miss you, I’m not thinking of you, you mean nothing to me.” Behind this silence, is a girl hoping that you’re thinking of her, and missing her enough to come forward.

2010-04-15T17:47:00.000+08:00

A beautiful girl can make you dizzy,
Like you've been drinking jack and coke all morning.
She can make you feel high,
Full of the single greatest commodity known to man:
Promise. promise of a better day,
promise of a greater hope,
promise of a new tommorow.
This particular aura,
can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl.
In her smile, and in her soul.
In the way she makes every rotten little thing about life
seem like it's gonna be okay.

You always come close but you never come easy
You're comin' in... you're comin' close

2010-04-14T14:14:00.002+08:00

dear horoscope, how do i put this into words?

well i can't, so *&@(*HFJhMCNKHMIOU#@%O@U%I@OYC*(@%&U*(UPDS@*$(&@%HGUEK8!$()&%

please do not tell me good things are going to happen to me, like "love and romance should be flying high for you now, Leo" because you are full of bullshit. I love you, horoscope, i really do, but i absolutely hate it when you say shit like that because you and i and everyone else on this motherfucking planet knows that love is not real.

and i hate how people can be so fucking nice to me it's like hjdgknvscmavwekgu what did i ever do to deserve such people in my life! must have done something right i guess...

oh god hibernation sounds soooo fucking good right now

2010-04-12T20:26:00.000+08:00

how bout it? dont i just spell PO-TEN-TIAL HOUSE-WIFE? hahahahahah rare sighting ballz, it's like chancing upon mysterious spinning ice disks. or something.

alright off to go do some more chores. im on a roll, bitch.

2010-04-12T02:41:00.003+08:00

first picture on photobooth after 678238672039 years!

dont ask how i accidentally deleted all the shit on my desktop, or why i didnt google on how to get it re-installed. cos i google every fucking thing. its like...google is God's wingman. Go Team!

current activity: motogp @ Qatar. eagerly anticipating (more) crashes just because it would be a tad more entertaining than watching them scrape their knees at the corners over and over again, lap after lap. but the purr of the bikes? motherfucking sexy. the boys too, they are cute beyond imaginationnnn! whoop whoop raging hormones!

redbull has successfully mindfucked my neighbour and i because due to the (over) exposure of brand advertising, we are now going to get for ourselves a tin or two.

pedrosa baby, i'll be back to watch you my love HAHAHAHAAHAHAH FUCK ME

2010-03-30T03:19:00.004+08:00

Here is my hand, my heart, my throat, my wrist. Here are the illuminated cities at the center of me, and here is the center of me, which is a lake, which is a well that we can drink from, but I can’t go through with it. I just don’t want to die anymore.

2010-03-27T05:25:00.001+08:00

confession: i die a little on the inside every time i see you because i am reminded of the fact that what you had for me was only short-lived and that you have carbon copies of your heart that you give out like you would to pamphlets on a five dollar an hour job. and i really should give up trying to see myself in your eyes because your eyes do not meet mine anymore. it makes me sad that life is so different from books and i cannot help but to cringe at the stark contrast between expectation and reality.

so here's to the real world. the mean mean world. where you no longer make my days, where i deny any sort of tingly sensations because i am afraid, where i really am afraid, and where i am pretty much destined to be afraid and miserable forever more.

the best thing about this is the fact that you are absolutely clueless. about everything. god i am so buttoned-up, i could be a member of Al-Qaeda and you wouldn't even guess. BUT OF COURSE THAT WAS JUST A FIGURE OF SPEECH! i don't need to be interrogated and be put behind bars. like as if i could do with any more misery!

shall attempt suicide now. kay im kidding, but if i go to sleep and never wake up, it wouldnt really be funny now would it...

بِاسْمِكَ اللّهُمَّ أَحْيَاوَأَمُوتُ

bismikallahumma ahya wa amutu! that was the prayer for going to sleep, haha thanks google!

2010-03-24T22:01:00.001+08:00

sticky and cranky and moody and restless and bitter and mellow and blasé and just feeling all urghxzxzx. ahh i feel so fucking FABULOUS right now... i just might be able to fucking piss glitter ┌П┐(◣_◢)┌П┐

And even if the moon fell down tonight there'd be nothing to worry about at all because you make the whole world shine as long as you're here everything will be alrighttttt

hey i'm a girl! i have every right to be mad at nothing at all and everything at once and have fatal and life-threatening moodswings. go team vagina!

2010-03-22T04:21:00.012+08:00

my overpowering teen angst has brought me here to just rattle endlessly about shit that might or might not matter, but for me to be here after 952358616317 years (come on i am astounded by my own presence!) is fucking amazing so this better be worth it.

being the lost and confused and insecure and endearing and hopeful and naive and vulnerable sad excuse of a teenage girl that, well, all teenage girls are, i am forever out on the battlefield only to find that my nemesis = myself. i am my own fucking foe. self-discovery is a big pile of stinking poop if you ask me. the fucking journey's like a motherfucking pain in the ass cos you fucking lose faith in your fucking self and like fucking question your own fucking existence.

you want angst? i'll give you angst. HAHAHAAHHA cb i'm like fucking sibei fierce like a fucking minahrep on a date rape drug. but that's not the point.

the thing is, i just have had about enough of trying to live up to the hopes and expectations of people who, in the first place, are unworthy of my time and attention and shit like that. cos like who the fuck are you to tell me i'm not who i'm supposed to be. whooooo the fuck! SERIOUSLY? like you're so fucking perfect that you have to pick on me and all my fucking ways? all of my fucking flaws? like you fucking wake up and be all like hey today is pick on aisyah the flawball day! like why the fuck not right!

FUCKERmay you be struck by lightning when it's not fucking raining.

okay other than a couple of fucking neanderthals god just had to make me meet, life's been treating me pretty alright actually. you know what they say...when life throws you lemons, make lemonade!

except i can't fucking down lemonade without having a fucking mad combustion in my mouth- thanks to Chi and Bai, the two ulcers of March 2010.

it's almost insane how i haven't been religiously blogging for the past what, 6 millenniums? okay fine i have never religiously blogged at all- EVER! but still! i wanna look at this pathetic excuse of a blog when i'm 99, miserable, old and dying and get a kick out of thinking how much shit has happened thus far.

haahahahah like i almost forgot i fucking went to sarawak for a research trip.

just like how i almost forgot i chopped off my fucking hair.

also how i got like 5873296 tones darker and it may be a blessing in disguise cos if you miss me, just close your eyes and you'd see me. FUCK who am i kidding omg i am a fucking tamil tiger. kill me!

and like how i keep forgetting the crucial and dire life and death situation that is my weight. fuck me, im a girl. even if im like -8 kg im still too fat. but in this particular case, it is safe to say that it is an emergency. ACT FAST FATTY!

oh and i'm on my school vacation currently which means holy shit done with year one already?! but like srsly, holidays to me means sleeping in the afternoons, wasting life away. just the way i like it:)

same shit different day nigg! now chiau while i look like a fucking diva with my cereal box!

*footnote: besides the sarawak pictures which were of course undoubtedly taken with a mighty DSLR, my fucking glam pics were taken with a 2 MP camera phone by a 5 YO girl so dont fucking judge. also, i am aware that i curse too much but to that i say: _|_

2010-01-29T22:39:00.002+08:00

Damn girl, dry your eyes

if you feel like running today you know i'd understand.

2010-01-27T23:56:00.001+08:00

Go away. No, please stay. Go away. No, stay. Stay away
Go away, No, please stay. Go away. No, stay. Stay...

Why can't you see with my hands holding your eyes open?
It's hard for me to think when your mouth is always moving
Shut up, sit down, and find your way out; Just leave me alone
You can’t make me believe that you have changed at all.

2010-01-27T23:53:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHAH FUCK YOUUU AMIRAH IMRAN YOU BITCH (insert heart)

Oh and just for the record, sepet eyes are sexy k! :)

2010-01-18T13:37:00.000+08:00

Now we've got a big big mess on our hands

2010-01-16T20:03:00.002+08:00

2010-01-14T22:08:00.001+08:00

2010-01-12T22:20:00.003+08:00

you can be the ghost in my hall you can be the smile i don't want i'll be the fly on your wall you can be the distance in between you can be everything i need you'll be the girl i don't call

hear me say: don't blow me away

2010-01-12T13:34:00.002+08:00

Cos i'm a girl on the threshold of adolescence with my faith in one hand and my growing skepticism in the other, and all i can do is to try to juggle them, or squeeze them together until they fuse.

It's like, i WANT God.

Please show me where you are cos my faith can't reach that far.

2010-01-10T21:55:00.001+08:00

and for someone pretty hopeless, i'm full of hope

2010-01-02T01:51:00.001+08:00

I was damaged by the fall
Got the wind knocked out of me
To be standing here at all
I must be invincible
I thought that I would break
But now I have come to see
Something strong and beautiful
Inside of me
I must be invincible

Grown so much. Came this far. I'm a blessing and a curse and i want to find out just what i'm worth.

2010-01-02T01:43:00.002+08:00

Coming across old letters, photos, facebook wall messages, msn conversations and/or text messages from people who once had my heart...there is absolutely no doubt to whether or not i am going to miss 2009 and the years that came before it. This same cold heart goes out to all of you. Im sorry, and i still think of you.

Adzreen Ismail, Amira Andin, Amir Asyraf, Amirah Imran, Austen Choo, Charmaine Teo, Dahlia Ismail, Danial Azhar, Dassyali Rosli, Denise Tay, Denise Yap, Enrico Marican, Esther Lee, Ezekiel Kieran, Farhan Hashim, Ferlin Chin, Goh Kong Ting, Hafriz Mohamad, Hanis Jazil, Ismira Rahmat, Issyah Ismail, Jaslyn Pek, Jason Ngiam, Joseph Lam, Kelroy Wee, Khairul Anshar, Koh Jian Le, May Oo Thin, Muhammad Helmi, Muhammad Irsyad, Muhammad Saiful, Muhammad Shahzani, Nabil Syafiq, Nadia Batrisyia, Nadia Makrof, Natasya Khan, Nazrul Hakim, Nithiya Sabia, Nurul Hakim, Ong Shi Yan, Rachel Fang, Ralvin Valberg, Ramadan Sha, Rebecca Fang, Shahiran Basiron, Stephanie Tan, Syafiq Saad, Syah Ridzuan, Syahiran Syah, Yan Jun, Ye Naing Oo, Zulhady Zulkifli.

Because rummaging through your old shit to find photographs and memories is always nice:) Virtual hugs all around!

2009-12-30T19:04:00.002+08:00

And I just needed you to pick me up
Like you did when we were younger
When the lightning and the thunder
Had me clinging to your heart
For someone
To lift me up
When I'm down and I'm forgotten
You'll forever be my father
And I'll be saving tears in jars for this one

♥

2009-12-29T06:19:00.000+08:00

I avoid some people on purpose
I’ve thought about cheating
I hate the way I look most of the time
I actually like the way I look most of the time
I’ve been swimming in an ocean
I’ve been swimming in a lake
I have siblings
I have pets
I’ve been on vacation recently
I love meeting new people
I am insanely shy
I’m on a sports team
My best friend is a boy
I play music an instrument
I don’t remember the last time I mailed a letter
I talk on the phone almost every night
I drink milk almost every day
I’ve kissed someone in a bathroom
I’ve kissed someone in bed
I’ve kissed someone at school
I’ve kissed someone I just met
I’ve kissed a good friend
I like to read
I like to watch tv
I couldn’t care less about video games
I hate my mom and dad
I’ve had a crush on someone for 5+ years
I’ve never asked someone out
I can touch my nose with my tongue
I love pizza
I actually love going grocery shopping
I love to travel
I’ve been to another continent
I wish I had time to watch more movies
I miss being a little kid
I’ve been to a public pool recently
Summer is my favorite time of the year
Winter is my favorite time of the year
I have a favorite holiday
I have a favorite holiday other than Christmas
I’ve been to a concert recently
I drive
I have my own car
My room is almost always messy
I’m listening to music right now
Music helps me work
The last person I texted was a boy
I want a new phone really bad
I love cartoons
The last thing I drank was water
I used to play with barbies
I collect something
I’ve been to a carnival recently
I know what syncopation is
I need to charge my phone
I have a huge crush on someone right now
I’ve kissed someone within the last 24 hours
I’m still in my pajamas
I have to go to school tomorrow
I need to clean something
I’ve hurt myself on purpose
I’ve thrown up on purpose
I’ve broken a bone
I’ve eaten something weird
I’m an extremely picky eater
I’ve been out to eat recently
I love going to the mall
I hate big groups
I remember the last party I went to
I’m on the phone right now
I’m watching tv right now
I’m eating right now
I’m on the phone, watching tv, and eating right now
People say I’m funny
People say I’m pretty
I’ve been told that I have gorgeous eyes
I need new clothes really badly
My hair is up right now
I need to shave my legs
I remember the last time I went to the doctor
I actually use my locker at school
I get good grades
I have a MySpace
I showered last night
I spy with my little eye something that is green
I spy with my little eye something that is round
I spy with my little eye something that is broken
I’ve had surgery
Someone I know has died
Someone I know has had cancer
It’s past my bedtime
I’ve moved before
I’ve moved 4+ times
I’ve gotten something removed
People tell me that I have good hair
People tell me that they like my clothes
I wish I had some money right now
I have a job
I need a job
I actually got a stupid class ring
I’m listening to someone talking right now
I wish I could talk to the boy I like right now
I’ve kissed someone in front of my parents
I’ve kissed someone on New Year’s
I love Halloween
I remember the last time I tripped
I can see a picture of me from where I’m sitting
I can see my reflection from where I’m sitting
I’m kinda scared of the dark
It’s hard to sleep with the door open
It’s hard to sleep without a blanket
It’s morning
I played soccer when I was little
I played basketball when I was little
My ears are pierced
My belly button is pierced
I plan on going to college
I plan on getting married
I plan on having some kids
I babysit
I still get an allowance
I curse a lot
I got so drunk last night
I’ve been to a wedding recently
I’ve met someone special on vacation
I have an accent
I know someone who has been homeschooled
I know someone in a band
I can sing really well
I can dance really well
I’ve never slow danced with anyone
I suck at spelling
I suck at math
I recycle
I am pro-choice
I know some rednecks
I want to get a tattoo
I want to get a new piercing
I hate MTV and VH1
I miss an ex
I still love an ex
I’ve slapped someone
I’ve punched someone
I’ve been told that I have a nice butt
I think my boobs are too small
I wish I could lose some weight
I can play the guitar
I can speak another language
I am fluent in another language
I can play the piano
I’ve been told that I can’t dance
I’m a cheerleader
I have a sweet tattoo
I have a sweet facial piercing
I need to practice something
I want to go to Mexico
I want to go to Canada
I’ve traveled across the country
I live on the east coast
I went to the beach last summer
I remember the last time I was insanely sunburned
I like to waste time
I like to sleep
I think I’m going to get asked out soon
I keep a journal
I don’t remember the last dream I had
I think smoking cigarettes is gross
I’m wearing something that belongs to someone else
My mom fixed the last meal I had
I’ve never gotten my nails done
I should be doing homework right now
I’m adopted
I love sappy movies
I love horror movies
I love musicals
I’ve seen a broadway show
The last person I hugged was my mom/dad
All of my grandparents are alive
I miss my boyfriend.
I haven’t talked to my best friend all day
People tell me that I’m short
Sometimes my socks don’t match
I can’t wait till my birthday
I’m a procrastinator
I’m not like everyone else
I like strawberries
I like thunderstorms
Someone’s mad at me right now
I hate when people are rude
I’m an optimist
My first relationship ended badly
I love when boys hold doors open
I’ve kissed 2+ people in one day
I’ve had a boy sleep over at my house
I bite my nails
I’ve been caught doing drugs
I’ve been caught cheating
I haven’t been to Disneyland/Disneyworld
I’ve passed out from drinking
I get angry easily
I’m laid back
I hate most girls
I love getting new shoes
I hate Chinese food
I don’t remember the last time I was grounded
I’ve been in love before
I’ve been cheated on
There are certain songs that remind me of my ex
I straighten my hair more often than I should
I’ve been to a funeral this year
I am insanely hungry right now

2009-12-29T03:24:00.000+08:00

i srsly need to get my shit together! hey ho lets go!

2009-12-24T04:59:00.000+08:00

2009-12-24T04:56:00.001+08:00

This is a war
This is a heart
These are the strings you'll pull
These are the stakes
They have been raised
It's your call
Too much has changed
I hate this place
But I don't want to leave it this way

2009-12-24T04:04:00.000+08:00

because i'm good but have been better.

truth be told, i don't quite like growing up. fuck turning eighteen, i wanna go back to the days when i was eight! i'd trade anything in the world, really. i wanna be young, innocent and naive again, running around naked for all i care cos shit nigguh, i ain't got no worries!

but srsly, with the ghetto accent aside, i strongly believe that i am growing up too fast. inevitable, yeah, but not necessarily welcomed with open arms.

wouldn't you kill to be squabbling with your lil siblings and taking the blame for everything just cos you're 'the eldest and ought to show a good example?' wouldn't you kill to seek permission from your ma only to walk away with a 'ask papa' and then walking away from your pa with the exact same answer? wouldn't you kill to wake up on weekends only to be greeted by ma and pa at the dining table with good ol american breakfast?

cos i would. i would.

and it doesn't help in my healthy upbringing that i have been exposed to so much shit that i don't want to get myself into the same shit. it's like the fear's finally taking over me and it's pretty darn obvious!

it's like i totally lost all control. like i leave it all in the hands of fear. let it decide how i should act. that's not quite accurate, really, cos all i do is shun. HA. and it stinks. like a big poop. because then i'd be consumed by envy!

kill me, i'm crazy.

all i'm sayin is God better have a good reason why he's putting me through all this crap.

cos when i grow up i want to be happy. im growing up and happy just isn't quite an appropriate adjective. like srsly- school, soccer and a job? not ideal happiness! it sucks though how you gotta work for what you want (fuck yeh irony in progress, live with it) like school for a kickass career *cross fingers* and the temp job for driving license *bentley please ma* but like all i wanna do is sit at home and play my guitar and scream. or something.

or maybe i should ship myself to planet what-fucking-ever it was in Avatar and be one of the people there. where lights are pretty <3

okay God i need answers alright? be a doll please, i know you have karutapillions (thats ALOT of people) to attend to but i've been too strong for too long and have been on the waiting list only since...FOREVER so please! me, me pick me!

show me i'm meant to live for so much more

2009-11-13T18:59:00.001+08:00

You do NOT make your kid choose between her mom and her dad. You just don't, okay? Basic Parenting 101!

To Write Love On Her Arms day today. And just for the record, i had a far more unfortunate day yesterday than i had today. So screw friday the thirteenth.

Fuck yeah rain! I feel likeeee prata.

2009-11-10T23:56:00.000+08:00

It's official. I am a geek. I try my best not to always believe in horoscopes and all that shit but aw cmon! Cut me some slack keh. I hate the fact that they are always so fucking relevant. Like as if i'm the only Leo in the whole wide world. Like as if they really decipher my mind, heart and soul and then string a couple of sentences together only to make me cringe at the relation. Haha k shut up.

With maturity comes responsibility and rewards. This is a time of rewards, and the road to love and success is opening up before you. Responsibility comes with taking full advantage while preserving what you have gained. With these two things you will soon find further success

A couple of days laterrrr...

Unless you give it a fighting chance, how can it lead to love and romance? Sometimes you need to have alone time so you can get back in touch with yourself, but if you don't get back out there you won't be able to grow any relationships. It's time for you to get directly involved with life again.

It's like...BAM VOOSH POW. Truth hits you in the face.

Truth. It doesn't always paint a pretty picture for you. Take death for example. Truth is, everyone dies. But just how do you get over yourself, your sorrow, your misery and your selfishness, and try to come to terms with the truth? The truth that the person you are selfishly mourning for, has gone to meet his Creator, away in a better place. Earth is anything but permanent. We are all living off temporary wealth, health, and happiness. Ironically, we hate instead of love, and that just makes our temporary home real shitty and fucked up! And when one passes on, having succumbed to His calling, we ought to be contented. Pleased. Thankful that He had decided to put an end to all the pain and suffering one has to put up with in this cruel, cruel world. Yes we are sad. Yes we are going to miss him. But instead of wailing Don't Go, we have to get over ourselves and realise death, though devastating, is for the good of everyone. We ought to feel obligated to die, ready to meet Him. Live to die.

Heavy shit.

I guess growing up does this to you. No seriously. Hey speaking of growing up... it's been a whole friggin year since O'levels oh good god how time flies! Creepy. But that's NINE MONTHS till i get to learn how to drive, boy oh boy. I think my folks just might be a tad more excited than i am, they're already car-surveying. Oh and having popped my working cherry, i am now officially grown up. HAHAHA. This grown up now has to learn how to juggle school, work and a cca. *deep breath* Brace yourself. Go get 'em tiger!

2009-11-09T02:39:00.000+08:00

Empty. Just, empty.

2009-11-03T21:54:00.001+08:00

Snow White. Cinderella. All about getting a guy. Being saved by the guy. Today it's Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about getting a guy.

So basically we're screwed up because of...

Disney.

2009-10-27T22:48:00.001+08:00

2009-10-26T23:47:00.000+08:00

I’m having trouble sleeping
You’re jumping in my bed
Twisting in my head
Leave me

I’m having trouble breathing
You’re sitting on my chest
I sure could use the rest
Leave me

It’s you
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never dared to let
my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never cared
too much about honesty

I’m having trouble sleeping
I’m thinking of what you said
About the tears been shed
Leave me

It’s you
Now and always you
but never me
I’ve never dared to
let my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never cared
too much about honesty

///

2009-10-15T20:26:00.001+08:00

So hold your head high gorgeous,
People would kill to see you fall,
In the dead of the night they can’t hear you screaming
You swear revenge, against them all.

So stay strong beautiful,
It won’t matter it they think less of you here,
But you cry by the window when wishes in moonlight don’t come true
Doesn’t mean you have to fear.

So never take the words he said to heart darling,
He has no idea what he meant,
To you it meant a life time,
To him, a lie worth less than a cent.

So don’t drown yourself in what you call medicine honey,
It will only do you harm,
because you never got drunk enough to get him off your mind.

So don’t believe you will never amount to anything sweetie,
You truly have no idea what your worth,
I see what you’re trying to hide from me,
I understand how much you’re hurt.

So don’t be afraid to crumble love,
Have you even forgotten who you are?
You walk around thinking you aren’t beautiful,
The truth could never have been more far.

So when you forget about him,
Don’t regret the pain you felt,
It’ll only make you better
And you’ll know how to play the hand you’re dealt.

So Hold you head high gorgeous,
Show the world your fine,
Don’t give in to the heartache,
Because People would kill to see you fall.

2009-10-12T04:28:00.000+08:00

What's the first thing you notice when you look at another girl?
That she's not you.

2009-10-08T19:22:00.000+08:00

2009-10-07T03:10:00.001+08:00

So much for turning in early tonight. Heck, so much for waking up nice and early in the morning.

2:38 AM and here i am sitting in the living room alone, accompanied by nothing else but the sound of crickets, the hills playing on tv in the background, and the light rain. Seriously? The ambience doesn't mirror my state of mind.

Fuck you nightmare, i woke up in tears and it was impossible to fall right back asleep after that.

I smell like yummy shampoo, i'm eating milo powder and reading an old novel. No signs of falling asleep anytime soon. Great. Just great.

I need to get my hands on The Lost Symbol! Oh and a job. Also considering re-bleaching blonde streak in fringe. Swear to god it has grown so much, i'm like a fucking proud parent HAHAAHAH.

Ahhhh fall asleep already, Aisyah! Mornings are too pretty to be missed. Oh my what a night Imma wake up in the morning like oh, ohhhhhhh

2009-10-06T20:55:00.002+08:00

You may be right, but that doesn't mean that you're going to convince anyone any time soon. Beware of getting stuck within bureaucratic systems -- your best bet is just to let them think they've won.

My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Early night tonight mafakazzz ♥

2009-10-05T02:03:00.000+08:00

I am in a love-hate relationship with the situation i am in right now. It's almost like it's down to: To Be a Slut or To Not Be a Slut. It's pretty wicked that i quite like the chase. So you tell me, what's wrong with me?!

2009-10-04T17:27:00.003+08:00

Just how would i know what you're thinking? I'm not Jean Grey, i'm not Professor Xavier and heck no i'm not Edward Cullen.

Currently at Pa's place. Tapped into some unsuspecting victim's wireless connection on my stupid phone. To use 'bored' to describe my current state would be just un-fucking-justifiable. Feeling maaaaad cranky, but srsly, do you blame me?

Starbucks would do me good.

2009-10-01T22:54:00.001+08:00

I want to be hard for you to forget. I want to have that kind of impact on you whereby you know you'll never find anyone who can take my place and I want that because that's what you are to me.

So fuck you. For being you. And how you are.
_|_

2009-10-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

"Kak, why did you do jumping jacks just now?! Look what you've done!"

2009-09-29T08:11:00.004+08:00

You see, you put a stupid egg like that with a girl who has...issues, and when coupled with boredom, that's exactly what you get. It tells a story though! In chronological order too. I totally deserve an A+ for effort!

x Splits open stupid egg, goes straight for the edible half (ohh yeah, prangai fat kid)
x Totally not my fault whatever i see/hear may sometimes be misinterpreted as a sexual innuendo. I cant help it! That doesn't make me an old pervert does it:(
x Swear to god i've alwaysalwaysALWAYS wanted a puppy. Stupid neneh of an egg gave me false hope. A puppy on a guitar? Aw darnnn i knew it was too good to be true!
x Ditch fake puppy for phone. Cellphone > Fake puppy > You.

Oh the joy Kinder Joy♥ brings! Yknow it's pretty clear as to why there was a modification in the naming of the stupid egg. Keh so like look, how fucking surprised can you get when you find a toy in an egg called Kinder Surprise which you bought for your own sorry ass? Kinder Joy, however, holds true to its name simply because one is excited to find out just what is it that is in there for him! Think: hopeful eyes that mirror amusement and glee. Awww. You feel me?

Shit, it just occurred to me that i might be the only slut in the entire universe who feels this way towards Kinder Joy. Maybe i really do have issues. Maybe i really was from Northlight. Hahahahaha now now, no discrimination against the hollow heads! (Not being defensive! My head isn't half empty, it's half full!)

Screw optimism. Sometimes being optimistic isn't being realistic. And i know its horrible and all but i always find myself hoping for the very worst, just so anything else would suffice. Yeah, merely suffice. I hate how...flimsy that sounds. But i rather lie to myself and live in denial as opposed to the idea of being a big fat disappointment to everyone and myself, and also being subjected to the infamous 'crushed and let down like a bug on the ground' feeling. Which sucks. Biiiiig time. We should all sign a petition to ban that feeling from the face of the Earth. Oh if only.

I am waaaay too hungry for my own good. Having banked in all my money in hopes of curbing my spendthrift self, i am forced to deliberately leave myself with no cash-in-hand. That only means one thing...i think instant noodles is in place for me tonight. I could only hope all the MSG wouldn't result in me losing all of my hair. Cos i can't imagine myself bald so YOU better don't either! I'm warning you, punk! *insert srsly fiercest face ever imaginable*

I always wonder if there will be a day when i wake up and be like Shit i'm all out of clever things to say. Cue for background music: Sometimes- City and Colour.

And if I suddenly went blind,
Would you still look in my eyes?
What happens when I grow old?
And all my stories have been told?
Will your heart still race for me?
Or will it march to a new beat?

Who says we don't need lyrics to explain how we feel? We all get those days when we just wake up feeling real shitty, maybe about a prevailing problem, and maybe about nothing at all, and then we listen to a particular song so apt and accurate, that actually manages to capture every fucking thing that we're fucking feeling and we can't help but to go Daaaayummmmmmm, because one thing's for sure, we know we're not alone. And that, yeah, the very idea of you not being alone out here in this cruel, cruel world, is just...comforting.

Chuck Palahniuk-

People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problem solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.

Word. Maybe i'm biased because he's one of my favourite authors, but fuck me if i'm biased, the dude's talking real shit! I wanna marry his mind. His sick, warped and twisted mind.

Marriage, huh? Love, ey? Ha Ha Ha.
Maya Angelou-

To those who have given up on love, I say, trust life a little bit.

If you believe in love, but find it difficult to explain, i feel you. You know if something isn't happening for you, that doesn't mean it's never gonna happen. It just means you're not ready for it. I'm not quite sure if i believe in love. I think two people just fall for each other because they have this mutual...weird thingy which is compatible to their own weirdness! And then they call THAT love.

So i shan't love because love is only a trap that breeds despair.

Atta girl!

Perhaps now i could let Anthony Green and Daylight Tremor work their magic on me and put me to sleep. I'm beginning to get sick and tired of sleepless long nights and wasted mornings and afternoons. I feel like a fucking polar bear. Speaking of sick and tired...i reckon i should do something to my hair.

You wouldn't even guess that i have a bleached blond streak in my fringe if you didn't know me or seen it in other pictures! Change is guuuud, i need change. Constants are boring *big hippo yawn* Ahaaa when they say boredom drives one to self-destruction, they really mean it! Just cos i'm maaad bored imma gonna go get my hair totally transformed and then later whine about it. So...i shall not do anything at all! Yay me. Since i can't get enough of the 'clap clap clap wooooo' emoticons on msn, they shall make their second appearance right about...now.

2009-09-17T23:50:00.000+08:00

A Brother Like That - Eid Story

Shuaib received an automobile from his brother as an Eid present. On Eid day when Shuaib came out of his house, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it. "Is this your car, Uncle?" he asked. Shuaib nodded. "My brother gave it to me for Eid." The boy was astounded.

"You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn't cost you nothing? Boy, I wish..." He hesitated. Of course Shuaib knew what he was going to wish for. He was going to wish he had a brother like that. But what the lad said jarred Shuaib all the way down to his heels. "I wish," the boy went on, "that I could be a brother like that." Shuaib looked at the boy in astonishment, then impulsively he added, "Would you like to take a ride in my automobile?" "Oh yes, I'd love that."

After a short ride, the boy turned and with his eyes aglow, said, "Uncle, would you mind driving in front of my house?" Shuaib smiled a little. He thought he knew what the lad wanted. He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile. But Shuaib was wrong again. "Will you stop where those two steps are?" the boy asked. He ran up the steps. Then in a little while Shuaib heard him coming back, but he was not coming fast. He was carrying his little crippled brother. He sat him down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up against him and pointed to the car.

"There it is, little brother, just like I told you upstairs. His brother gave it to him for Eid and it didn't cost him a penny. And some day I'm gonna give you one just like it...then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Shop windows that I've been trying to tell you about."

Shuaib got out and lifted the boy to the front seat of his car. The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable ride. That Eid, Shuaib learned what the RasulAllah (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) meant when he had said: "love for your brother what you love for yourself".

2009-09-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile.

2009-09-15T08:51:00.001+08:00

POTRO FOR THE FUCKING WIN ♥♥♥

2009-09-15T07:26:00.001+08:00

US Open 2009. Currently 3 hours 7 mins into the match, on fourth set nao. Juan Martín del Potro > Roger Federer *cross fingers*

2009-09-15T02:13:00.000+08:00

"Pass all the babies to the front. And the weak. Pass them up here and I will eat their faces."

- Anthony Green @ Warped Tour '07

2009-09-15T00:39:00.001+08:00

can i be your anthony green, aisyah puteri?

xoxo,
helmi.

2009-09-14T02:42:00.000+08:00

They say the only way to be truly happy is to keep yourself busy. Here i am, with time aplenty on my hands. WHAT GIVES?!!!

Beware thoughts that come in the night. They aren't turned properly; they come in askew, free of sense and restriction, deriving from the most remote of sources. *sighs for only the 7827519616th time* It's times like these when i feel like i've lost my grip on reality, like i don't really have to be here? I need reassurance, someone to tell me that i am a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, and that i have a right to be here and whether or not it is clear to me, no doubt is the universe unfolding as it should.

Everybody wants happiness Nobody wants pain
But you can't have a rainbow without a lil rain

SO STOP RAINING ALREADY I WANT MY FUCKING RAINBOW DAMMIT

2009-09-14T02:20:00.000+08:00

2009-09-14T01:47:00.000+08:00

So where do we go from here or end
We were never lovers, more than friends

2009-09-14T01:37:00.000+08:00

"She’s a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that’s all going to pass, but I don’t want to lie to her."

2009-09-11T07:38:00.002+08:00

7:33 AM listening to Attack Attack! thinking someone should seriously get me sleeping pills cos insomnia isnt exactly bestfriend material

2009-09-11T05:38:00.000+08:00

With light bulbs in our pockets
We’ll light this darkened forest.

2009-09-05T08:16:00.001+08:00

HOW COME NO ONE EVER TOLD ME HITLER HAD ONLY ONE TESTICLE :(
✂

2009-09-02T23:04:00.000+08:00

There are things we do because we convince ourselves it would be better for everyone involved. We tell ourselves it’s the right thing to do, the altruistic thing to do. It’s far easier than telling ourselves the truth.

2009-09-02T01:01:00.000+08:00

I guess everyone has their reasons for keeping people away, it’s an instinct to protect yourself from getting hurt. It’s part of human nature.

2009-09-02T00:33:00.003+08:00

We've had enough of these useless ties
We've seen enough of what we could be
This has become something we've never believed
Slowly but surely it'll take us all away

Just like the words, we used to say
Just like the battles, we fought before
Just like our bodies, and our souls
Fade away, just like our memories
Fade away, just like our families

Over and over

When will we love, before it's too late?

2009-08-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

All I ever did was look up to you
And if all I ever did was let, let you down
Ain't nothing stopping me now

2009-08-31T04:18:00.001+08:00

because i miss my papa.

2009-08-27T17:45:00.000+08:00

"my dream girl aint all satin and lace
shes a natural born angel with a dirty face"

2009-08-27T17:03:00.000+08:00

So what's the point in all of this?
When you will never change
The days have passed, the weather's changed
Should i be sorry? Could i be sorry?

I did it all, all for you
Hoping you would see
Your eyes are dull, your hands are clenched
Are we ready? Are we ready?

But you, you think about yourself
Only bout yourself
But what about...

2009-08-27T16:04:00.001+08:00

We are the only ones we are running from

2009-08-27T04:35:00.000+08:00

There's still a door here shaped like you. Boarded up, covered in chains and nails. Paper stuffed in the locks.

I miss you, papa

2009-08-26T01:41:00.002+08:00

been too strong for too long

2009-08-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

2009-08-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

Now I'm not a saint but I'm not a sinner
Now everything is cool as long as I'm getting thinner

♥

2009-08-16T02:59:00.000+08:00

6-1 bitchezzzzzzzzz!

2009-08-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

2009-08-11T02:22:00.000+08:00

writcomm:
all I'm trying to say is you're not, getting any sleep tonight (getting any sleep, getting any sleep)

angry aisyah:
it's not fair and i think you're really mean:(

HAHAHAHAAH whattaf im not ever NEAR completion for writcomm and here i am tryna make entershikari and lilyallen face-off. someone just kill me please.

2009-08-10T20:53:00.000+08:00

Because ooVoo is the sex and because my eyebags are smexy and because collarbones are orgasmic and because long faces are climax-worthy and because pearly white teeth is on-turning and because every adjective is sex-related because i have a warped and twisted mind and because there are simply too many becauses in just one sentence.

Hi, i am a champion procrastinator (ahhh what's new) and i have writcomm to fucking complete by tonight. Bitch you're going downnnnnnnnn! *eveeeeeeel laughter*

2009-08-10T05:46:00.000+08:00

2009-08-10T01:20:00.001+08:00

2009-08-10T00:56:00.000+08:00

2009-08-10T00:51:00.000+08:00

2009-08-09T16:49:00.000+08:00

you're worth so so SO much more, luv, and YOU know it ♥
cos after all, dahlia = diamond and diamond > rock

SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, YOU BIATCH. I HATE MATH AND I FUCKING USED MATH TO DISPLAY MY LOVE FOR YOU PLEASE JUST DIE OF DIABETES NOW :)

2009-08-09T04:24:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY MAFAKAZZZ

2009-08-06T22:11:00.001+08:00

OMFG I WAAAAAANNNNNNNNTTTTTTTT
*stray cat face stray cat face stray cat face*
ul- cer go away, come again another day

I think like, an ulcer is totally the ultimate source of thinspiration (think: bones r beautiful), except that right now i dont want thinspiration, i want food. WHINE WHINE WHINE SOMEMORE AH! I need to pee, it's only my 862367th time today!

Keh i'm back from peeing and i think i peed all my thoughts away or maybe it's just cos my short memory span's cool like that.